Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - Russell Baker
New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian. - Russell Baker
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. - Russell Baker
Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it. - Russell Baker
A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it. - Russell Baker
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. - Russell Baker
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. - Russell Baker
A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday. - Russell Baker
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. - Russell Baker
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. - Russell Baker
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. - Russell Baker
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. - Russell Baker
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. - Russell Baker
In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved. - Russell Baker
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. - Russell Baker